would u sleep wit a mum

[kelly01 (deleted)]

Quote: im 21 and just had a baby girl even thou im not ready to start dating because my lifes all bout her and when i do im not looking for a fathrer for her she has a dad but does it really turn a guy off if he knows the girl has kids...or if the girls real hot then wil he just want to sleep with her then leave....a few of my male mates have dated a mum but most say they wouldnt do it

[fringey]

I think the answer to that would depend on the person and what they are looking for in a relationship. Myself, I have been ready to settle down and have a family for a while now, so have no problems dating someone with children. I have already dated two women with children. Even though neither eventually worked out, it didn't have naything to do with the fact that they had kids.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived."

[svecica_PREV (deleted)]

I've found that its very widely accepted that single moms are either interested in 1) something purely physical or 2) an instant relationship. It's been nearly impossible for me to find men that will date me that aren't interested in one of those senarios. I get hit on a LOT by men after #1. In the summer, every h---- idiot within a mile comes knocking hoping to ---- -- with me. The guy next door has taken to scaring them off for me and they've cut down a lot. Of course, even he makes sure I know his wife's work schedule in case my morals falter at some point. =/ And, I've certainly been scared off by my share of men trying to plan all the future things "we" (that's him, me, and the kids) will do together on the first date.

That said, internet dating has provided my best dating experiences since having kids. Honestly, most guys don't seem to read the prof at all but just go by the pic, but the ones that can read will read the whole thing and get a feel for who you are before they have a chance to make judgements.

- svecica

[fringey]

svecica wrote: I've found that its very widely accepted that single moms are either interested in 1) something purely physical or 2) an instant relationship. It's been nearly impossible for me to find men that will date me that aren't interested in one of those senarios. I get hit on a LOT by men after #1. In the summer, every h---- idiot within a mile comes knocking hoping to ---- -- with me. The guy next door has taken to scaring them off for me and they've cut down a lot. Of course, even he makes sure I know his wife's work schedule in case my morals falter at some point. =/ And, I've certainly been scared off by my share of men trying to plan all the future things "we" (that's him, me, and the kids) will do together on the first date.

That said, internet dating has provided my best dating experiences since having kids. Honestly, most guys don't seem to read the prof at all but just go by the pic, but the ones that can read will read the whole thing and get a feel for who you are before they have a chance to make judgements.

- svecica

Interesting. One of the things I love about these forums is that it really gives more an insight to the person than the profile does. I would never have known that men who date single mothers generally are looking for those things specifically. I can see where that might be true in most cases. I appreciate getting a diferent POV from a single mother. I may have been guility of doing the latter, myself. I always thought I was being reassuring to the woman that the fact they had children was not going to be an obstacle to a possible relationship, but I never thought it might be perceived as me wanting an instant relationship. That is an important insight for me.

Now, let me ask you this, if a person is really interested in s a single mother, how do they avoid being perceived as looking for one of those two things. I mean, i am definitely ready to settle down and have a family, so don't have a problem dating single mothers. But, it isn't something that I HAVE to have, so it wouldn't be the reason I am dating someone, if I am making any sense. So how do I avoid these errors should I find myself in this situation in the future?

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived."

[svecica_PREV (deleted)]

The kids are kind of happless victims of the dating proccess. I'd say the best way to handle it is to let her be the one to bring them into things...whether that's just talking about them or suggesting you all do something together. It's resonable for you to ask about them a bit, but you're not dating them so unless she's ready to open them up to you it's invasive to focus too much on them. Now, most moms can't help but talk about their kids so you should have a chance to open that line fairly fast. I generally aviod talking about them too much for the first couple dates, but I tend to be more gaurded than most women.

Different moms seem to have a dif take on the whole "meeting the kids" thing. In the past, I haven't let them even meet anyone I'm dating unless we were talking marriage. (and obviously that's not a step I get to quickly) They are very much in the market for a dad. They don't need the disappointment of constantly losing father figures, and my dates don't need the pressure that expectation puts on them. It's lose - lose for them to meet. My son is getting old enough now that he will ask to talk to someone I'm dating after a few dates. Most times, the "relationship" only makes it 1-2 dates, so if it makes it to a third ds cuts into a phone call and screens them a bit. lol He understands and agrees with my reasoning for not letting them get close to anyone I date though. He's acutely aware of what it felt like when his actual father left and doesn't want to go through that again. I'm not secretive. I make sure my boundaries are known up front. (just like I don't wait to let people know I have kids. It's right up there, first thing in the prof) So, for a guy to start talking about doing stuff with my kids on the first date is really overbearing.

- svecica

[fringey]

Thanks for the insight. Definitely things to keep in mind for the future.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived."

[dodgerob79 (deleted)]

I'm a guy and I'd be the first to say, stay away from us! It is hard to tell what we're after. Just take it slow.
Rob
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[tommy3betz]

I have and will again if ever given the chance. The kids never bothered me i guess cause i like kids? They are the future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kelly01 wrote: Quote: im 21 and just had a baby girl even thou im not ready to start dating because my lifes all bout her and when i do im not looking for a fathrer for her she has a dad but does it really turn a guy off if he knows the girl has kids...or if the girls real hot then wil he just want to sleep with her then leave....a few of my male mates have dated a mum but most say they wouldnt do it

[ANTINOMY_PREV (deleted)]

It won't turn a guy off if he's got a clue, for sure. What might turn him off is if you give him the impression that you're trying to get his support to raise the little whelp. He might appreciate your willingness to trust his generosity, or he might feel afraid that you will misuse him for child assistance and not ------ fulfillment. One thing guys are very uncomfortable about is a woman's feelings about her children; they have to understand and imagine that somehow you pushed that thing out of your pelvis, and that chances are you feel good about helping the child progress in life. In a way it's a kind of inferiority, a fear that you won't be as active or dynamic, or as open minded and willing to share your body, because of these feelings they assume you have, which they don't quite understand. They look at the women in the PTA, they look at their own mothers, they look at the women going psycho at their little daughter's soccer game, and well, your kind just don't have a very good reputation. Thankfully there is an easy solution to this: be nice. ^.^ If you don't come off as a traditionalist entitled mother, most guys will find it a pleasure to have a kid around that they didn't have to make themselves.

[krizzmm (deleted)]

Im a single dad and yes I have no problem dating a "mum". IVe always been a partier, but Im always real and tru, dont go for guys who lay it on to strong right away, use your common sense, those guys will bail, most of my friends are that type. If you're hot or not even. Im single also just to let ya know, not a dirtbag.

[ADEEM_PREV (deleted)]

.ask me

[razorback007 (deleted)]

.no

[guardianofmidia]

.yeah. as long as she was under 33

[jonnsd23 (deleted)]

.i like the idea of this web site, and i hope to find that special someone.

[ismail2001_PREV (deleted)]

.i am 22 years old was born in denizli/turkey i dont want to say anythıng