ravendarque
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`Not all things in life are easy...and what I've written above, certainly isn't. It is what some hope to become and they can only become so through learning...and learning sometimes comes from bitter and harsh experience...but if you survive it...you can work away the bitter and harsh...and change it, so that whats left is experience and learning. If you are able to shake off the anguish of a bitter experience, if you are able to overcome the fear that it has provoked in you...then you can begin learning and that experience can become liberating instead. This is what it is meant to do...but you have to allow it to do that...you have to embrace it to do that...not push it away, not avoid it, not run in fear. For if you do that, you will not learn and if you do not learn, chances are you will repeat the same mistake over and over again. Without learning you cannot change the behaviour and pattern that leads you to make the mistake that hurts you in the first place. I dont know if what I am writing makes sense but I hope it does...
This is very difficult indeed, to do...but what else is there to do? Give up? Out of fear of more negative experience...? Out of fear of failure? Out of...fear plain and simple? Then we will never give ourselves the chance to learn...and to evolve...and to change. Life is change...and humanity fears change...they dont want something different, they want things to stay the same...those people usually lose touch with reality...and cannot have happy or satisfied lives...because they will always feel at odds. Embrace as much change as you can (not all however), it happens anyway, every day, in every facet of life...day and night, seasons, time itself and cultures...in thinking...age...everything. And all of those things have their own positives and negatives...embrace the positives. When times get hard, economically for instance, some people embrace the negative...they become fiercely protective, their anger increases, at other people, those different from themselves, they become exclusive, not inclusive; they do not embrace, they push away, they hate and they destroy if they can. Some people do this on a regular basis in life anyway...because they have embraced the negative in life in general. The reasons for this are many, often bad and bitter experience that they have allowed to change themselves into bitter and hateful people, and FEAR has a lot to do with this.
Of course they dont see themselves as these things, no, in their minds, theyre doing the right thing, the good thing. They will find reasons for why it is good for them to do the bad things they do...but dont see them as bad. If they can justify their thoughts, actions and opinions, then it is made easier for them to remain where they are...sometimes, this eventually becomes effortless, it becomes a way of life.
The biggest problem perhaps...lies in ourselves...the easier (but not really easy at all) aspect of our own bad actions through life...if we have indeed wronged others and thus, wronged ourselves...well, for some of us, it is too great a thing to overcome...but if you lament your actions, if you regret them, rather than justifying them and losing your conscience and thus your humanity, then it shows that you still have a conscience, that you still care...and that you've not yet become one of those who truly do not care and for whom conscience never comes into play...THAT would be true loss...loss of yourself, of your humanity... In this way, feeling regret has a positive aspect to it. Of course, one shouldnt let regret become the guiding force of ones life...you probably know the negative things that can happen then.
The issue with our own dark souls is that...it became dark through our own doing, did it not? And if that is the case...it can become light again through our own actions...for as long as you live, there is hope. But lose the thought of hope and you lose the will to take action to change...and thus, you rob yourself of the possibility. For it is all highly possible.
Whatever we are, such as open-hearted, is a choice we make that should not be influenced by the actions of others. Sure, easy thing to say, a lot harder to do, especially with the capacity that some have of hurting our hearts when they are open...it is perhaps one of the most difficult things that all of humanity struggles with. How many men, women and children have not been “mortally wounded from those their hearts were open to? Countless...perhaps everyone in some fashion or regard...for that seems to be one of the things that humanity has to learn in life. Some do, others never do. Some think they have but have actually allowed the painful experience to change themselves, by their own choice, into a cold hearted being who thinks they have gained some strength to deal with anything that the world throws at them...only to discover, if they are lucky enough, that a wall of ice...is not to be alive but to have frozen into a permanently closed state of a harsh, negative and forbidding nature...one that makes you lose out on life itself. If youre luckier still, you may actually see this and work to change it. And that again, is a very difficult thing to do...well, the acceptance of it is harder...but once you acknowledge it and accept it, you win half the battle really. Then begins the remaining struggle...the battle against the fearful thoughts and feelings that threaten to overcome you at every step. To fight this battle...has many names...in many cultures...but it is one of the biggest and most common battles to exist.
I dont think you are open-minded in a right sense, if all you see are things that ignite your fear...that is looking at the world through the many veils of fear and sad past experience, that is NOT being open-minded at all. Your words literally scream out fear and bad experience and the last words seem like self-condemning justification to remain in an emotionally exiled state. The corner where you hid away from all the bad things that happened to you...and some that you may have, inadvertently or deliberately (I do not know which as I do not know your specific experiences Poison), caused yourself.
Fear does not seem to be the whole story though...self-inflicted punishment seems to be part of it too. Just think of this...if you believe in a Creator of any sort...isnt it that Creators duty to measure out justice? If you have done wrongs in life...it is not for you to punish yourself. Of course, it is for you to try to make things right if you discover that youve done something wrong, many people dont try to do this even! It is hard not to punish ourselves, Ive been masterful at it at times...but somewhere along the lines...we have to let go...and what is better in the end? To try to set things right or sit around punishing oneself? Spend your energy on the right thing...but before you can do that, you have to learn to think in the right way...as your writing above clearly shows, your thoughts and perceptions are covered in veils that seem to make it very difficult to see clearly...if all you can see, is through the veils of fear and negativity...well...the result wont be surprising will it. You have to get rid of the veils in order to truly understand...and thus truly learn.
Your love is not poison...unless you believe it to be that way and thus, make it so...why try when you already know the answer, right. Many humans like to be proven right...it makes them feel strangely good, even when its about something negative...a strange satisfaction that confirms your stance...to comfortably remain where you are....even though there is no true comfort in that lonely place really...
Change requires courage...courage requires action...action requires determination....determination requires intention...intention requires thought...make that thought a positive and rightly guided one...without veils, with clarity. Somewhere in all of this, there may also be sacrifice required...a sacrifice of giving things up...and most people do not want to give things up...some people would rather have what they know, than to try to attain something they do not know. What is that negative thing some people say? Better the devil you know than the one you dont...well, who is to say it has to be a devil all the time? Theyre not the only things to exist in this world...are they....but maybe because we refuse to learn things by pushing them away, we keep repeating those same things that attracts such devils in the first place...
Einstein said something along the lines of: “Madness – doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. A change is required...often within ourselves. Dont expect things from the outside to change before you change them within...and do not give up just because you do not receive what you wish and deep down expect. Selflessness is just that...you decide to do what you do because of your own choice, and without expectations of a reward. And those choices better be based on clear learning and thinking, not on thoughts coloured by veils of fear and sorrow.
Youre not alone in feeling this way Poison...many share your thoughts, albeit in a slightly different way as we are all individuals. Its all a struggle at the end of the day...and thats where friends will help you...true and good friends that is. Thats another trap, people choosing the wrong friends, choosing people for the wrong reasons and what not...
Much friendly love to you poison...and much hope and strength...and well, I dont think youre poisonous at all...but then, Im a person with a frog for a brother so.../smiles.
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ravendarque
(deleted)
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First of all, Im glad that I could make myself understood and also that you didnt become offended or worse yet, hurt, by my words. There was no intention of being mean or hurtful. Secondly, after reading your reply, I realise how far out of my depth I am with this. Even if friends can help to some degree, this needs something completely different...or so I believe.
I would first of all like to just say that it makes me immensely sad that you have had to go through these things, no one should have to and its not so strange that it leaves scars that feel like they will never heal.
However, Im glad you shared it in the sense that I now better understand why you feel the way you do. It is also not so strange that you feel this way, many would react in the same way as you have and differently too. One thing I have heard of before though, is that a lot of people blame themselves for negative acts and doings that others are responsible for. Some manipulative individuals make their victims feel responsible and even guilty for the things that the perpetrator does. This isnt such an uncommon thing, it happens a lot in abusive relationships. Please get it out of your head that this was somehow contributed to or made worse by you. It isnt the wifes responsibility, it wasnt anyone elses responsibility. Only the person him or herself is responsible for what they do.
The one thing each person has to take responsibility for, is to avoid destructive people of this nature. That is tricky, because deceit is part of everything they do. But we can learn from the bad experiences that we sometimes have with people of this nature. Above all, learn to avoid them at all costs, and to do that, we need to learn from those bad experiences we had in the first place, to change our own patterns and learn to defend ourselves in a positive way. We can do that by talking to good friends, not holding things inside. Talk to people you trust and perhaps even with professionals if its a really bad case where trauma may unfortunately be involved.
The quote from Einstein...doesnt apply wholly to this you know... For one thing, nothing of what I said, was meant as putting responsibility on you for anything that happened. However, I do believe that we need to learn from our experiences in a good way, so that we can avoid making any mistakes on our own part that we might have made. This could be something as simple as not believing in ourselves enough or feeling that we dont deserve good things for instance. A lack of positive and healthy self-confidence is after all, one of the main causes of people selling themselves short and ending up in things that just arent good. Part of your own defence, is obviously dependent upon you, your thinking, your wisdom. Its like being sensibly cautious, that is up to us to be. In an ideal world we wouldnt have to take precautions and such, but it isnt an ideal world and we need to be careful. Careful, not cynical. Cautious but not overly suspicious...unless there is clear reason to be.
You can overcome your fears, think of all the good and bad, happy and sad, amazing and horrible experiences youve had in your life. What youve gone through would have knocked some people right off, and yet youre still standing and even smiling. There is definitely strength there and I dont even know half of it...
I just wish you well...in every way...
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